Divorce and what is "fair" in 50/50

One thing I’ve always found fascinating, and frankly frustrating, is the reaction some people have during a divorce, particularly when it comes to money. More often than not, it’s a man who says something like: “I can’t believe I had to give her half of what I worked for.”

You’ve probably heard it, too.

Maybe you were even the one who has said it. And every time I hear that, my response is always the same:

“You shouldn’t have given her half. You should’ve given her all of it. She’s the one who raised your kids.”

Let’s talk about that.

We live in a society that claims to value family, yet constantly undervalues the work it takes to build one. We admire the entrepreneur, the executive, the man or woman who "worked their way up" or "sacrificed for their career" but rarely do we speak with the same respect about the person who sacrificed that career to stay home and raise the children.

Let me be clear: I don’t care whether the stay-at-home parent was the husband or the wife. This is NOT a gendered issue. It’s a values issue.

One person went out to earn an income.

The other stayed home to raise human beings.

And when the marriage ends, we suddenly act like only one of those contributions counted.

That’s not just wrong. It’s absolutely ridiculous.

Raising children is real, valuable WORK!

If you think staying home with kids is easy, you’ve never done it.

There are no breaks, no raises, no sick days, no performance bonuses.

There is constant emotional labor, physical exhaustion, and a level of responsibility that rivals any boardroom.

Let’s say the working spouse came home to a clean house, dinner on the table, and kids that were fed, dressed, schooled, and loved.

That wasn’t magic.

That was labor.

Just not the kind that came with a paycheck or a 401(k).

The stay-at-home spouse made it possible for the working partner to build a career, grow a business, or climb a corporate ladder.

That success was made on the back of a partnership, even if only one person was bringing home a check.

So when the relationship ends, why do we act surprised when the assets are split? Why do we treat it like a loss instead of what it is: a recognition of shared effort?

Fair doesn’t mean equal in time.

It means equal in value.

Divorce isn’t about who worked more hours outside the home.

It’s about the life that was built together.

And if one person gave up the chance to build a retirement account, or missed a decade of career advancement, or put their education on hold to be there for the children, that deserves to be honored and compensated accordingly.

In fact, in some cases, 50% might not be enough to truly make things even.

Think about it: the working spouse walks away with a resume, earning power, professional relationships, and momentum.

The stay-at-home spouse walks away with none of that—and probably has to start over financially while still carrying the lion’s share of emotional responsibility for the kids. Tell me again how "unfair" it is that the financial assets are divided equally?

So let's change the narrative here;

This idea that one person “gave” something to the other in a divorce implies that the person receiving it didn’t earn it. And THAT is the real problem. We need to shift the way we view the division of assets, from a punishment to a recognition.

When two people build a life together, all contributions matter. Financial.

Emotional.

Parental.

Sacrificial.

And when that partnership dissolves, the split should reflect the full weight of everything both people brought to the table—not just the size of a paycheck.

So the next time you hear someone complaining about having to “give half” in a divorce, maybe remind them: they didn’t give anything. They’re just settling up the cost of everything they didn’t have to do themselves.