Holding Hands Instead of Holding Grudges.

Raising four children and now enjoying the wild and wonderful ride of having grandchildren has taught my wife and me more life lessons than any book or business seminar ever could.

Parenthood, after all, is its own kind of battlefield.

There are highs and lows, victories and losses, and more than a few moments where you’re just trying to survive until bedtime.

But every once in a while, you stumble across something that actually works. Something that sticks with your kids and even becomes part of your family lore.

One of our most unexpectedly effective disciplinary methods?

The Torturous Hand-Holding Technique.

Now before you laugh, or judge, let me explain…

When our kids were younger and found themselves caught up in the usual sibling spats; bickering, name-calling, pushing, shoving, you name it.We tried all the usual parental tactics:

Timeouts.

Groundings.

Taking away toys.

Talking it out.

Some worked, some didn’t.

But none of them ever seemed to get to the root of the problem: helping them learn how to reconnect after a fight and remember that, at the end of the day, they’re on the same team.

So we tried something different.

Whenever two (or more) of them were fighting, we’d have them sit down side by side on the couch and hold hands. That was it. No yelling, no long speeches. Just sit down, hold each other's hand, and stay that way for 10 to 15 minutes, depending on how bad the fight was.

At first, you'd think we were punishing them with the cruelest form of torture imaginable.

The eye rolls.

The grumbles.

The stiff, awkward fingers barely touching.

But then something magic would happen.

About two or three minutes in, one of them would crack a smile. The tension would start to melt.

Maybe someone would wiggle a pinky just to be annoying, or make a funny face.

The giggles would come next.

And before long, they were laughing, goofing off, inventing weird handshakes or trying to high-five with their fingers still intertwined.

What started as a punishment turned into a mini comedy show… and a moment of connection.

They didn’t stay mad at each other. In fact, they couldn’t. That simple act of sitting still, side by side, holding hands, forced them to feel the closeness they were trying to ignore. And it worked better than any lecture we ever gave.

To this day, it's one of the things our kids still remember, and laugh about. It became a sort of family tradition, one they now tease each other about when we’re all together. “Remember when we had to hold hands because we were fighting over the remote?” one will say, and the room erupts in shared laughter. And now, watching them raise their own children, I wouldn’t be surprised if that old couch trick makes a comeback in the next generation.

The truth is, parenting isn’t about perfection. It’s about finding what works for your family, what teaches values without crushing spirit, and what builds connection even in the middle of conflict.

We didn’t always get it right, but that hand-holding couch? That was one of our better ideas.

It’s proof that sometimes, the best discipline isn’t about separating kids.

It’s about bringing them back together.